Wondering so much stuffs suddenly. What if I am dead? What if, my future child isnt close with me. What if, people are just faking themselves. What if(s) just what if(s). Here I am in a funeral, why do I feel like everyone is a stranger. I dont know anyone here even though they were my relatives, people whom I know for years. Throughout these years, I have discovered too much ugly sides of them. I am disappointed. I feel heartless. Deep inside, I cant believe i am actually cursing each and every one. Even my uncle and my mom asked, why am I like this, why dont I feel anything. No seriously, what am I suppose to feel? I tried really hard to feel SOMETHING. JUST SOMETHING. I dont, I cant. During their chants, I am just asking myself : What am I doing exactly? Why am I here? Unfillal? I dont feel so. I feel like, I am attending a funeral of a stranger. I shut my mouth, stick my earpiece in, sit in a corner, looking, just looking and waiting. Ill mannered? I dont feel so either. Why do I have to greet you all when each of you just judged and discriminated me like that? Why do you all have to act? I am utterly disappointed.

Then I started to think about my future. What am I supposed to do? Where am I heading to exactly. My friend already panicked and started to think about hers. What about me? Why dont I see or feel any sense of urgency? I wasted 3 years on a course which I am not continuing. Maybe a year more. I have a dream. I just didnt know how to execute it. Someone told me, if I really wanna do something, I will do. There wouldnt be any excuses. I really wanted to. I cant wait to start over my life. Hope? Maybe I see a glimpse there.

Then , I just saved a baby lizard’s life. Ok random, enough ranting .